Friday, October 9, 2009


This has nothing to do with the baby, or anything at all but this site is fascinating (especially in the wake of texting my 17 year old cousin and not knowing what the hell he was saying due to the text lingo):

FUJIMO is by far the best one. -- RAE!! (that means read and enjoy...ah forget it. FUJIMO!!)

Monday, October 5, 2009

Baby Showers...Not QUITE the audience for a sex joke

So Kimmie had her baby shower yesterday. It was really nice to see all the female family members (and Dubba J and my Dad, who thankfully came to relieve me of being the only male there - even the bartender was a woman) and get to have a day for Kimmie and for Cammie. She/we got tons of great things, lots of diapers, toys, clothes and all kinds of good stuff. So good food, good drink, good friends, good family, and a good time...BUT...

...i never realized how much i need a male audience to appreciate my humor. Now granted, Kimmie, my Mom, Karen, my Grandma, Jess, aunts and other various female family members and friends get my jokes, but really...if i don't have at least 3 - AT LEAST 3 other dudes in the room, it's a mess of epic proportions.

Case in point: after opening all the presents (oh, and have i mentioned that sitting with my wife, mother and mother-in-law while opening baby gifts is awful? not being in a room with family, friends and loved ones, and opening wonderful gifts that are so generous and carefully thought, that part is wonderful...its the actual act of sitting in front of a room full of women, opening presents, 90% of which are pink is the part that makes me tense up in a way i never knew my muscles could do)

...ok, anyway, i after opening the presents we thanked everyone for coming and for the wonderful gifts. In response, the female friends and family congratulated kimmie on being pregnant or getting pregnant or something to that effect...ok, so let me clarify everything and preface everything and say everything i need to say so i don't get in trouble for what i am about to say - my wife is incredible; women are incredible. Anyone who can carry a living human being inside them for 9 months and maintain their, become even more beautiful, and even more glowing while also putting together baby furniture, cleaning, cooking, working (actually, not just working, but getting a promotion on top of all that), and still being able to spend quality time with family, friends and husband is an amazing human being who is capable of anything. I will never be pregnant, can never get pregnant, and have no desire to ever BE pregnant, which gives me even more reason to be in awe of this wonderful woman that i am married to (who i am fully convinced has the ability to do anything). It's truly awe inspiring to see Kimmie do so many of the things she does while carrying our first child...amazing. To not have a room full of closest family and friends congratulating her would be a crime, and she deserves all the congratulations in the world.

That being said...

I felt like i played at least a SMALL role in the pregnancy thing -- I was there, I contributed, and the plain and simple fact is that there would be no pregnancy with out ole' Johnny boy. Well, there could be A pregnancy, just not THIS pregnancy. Anyways, while the women folk were congratulating kimmie on being pregnant, and everything else, I decided to jump in and mention that i did help out myself (and while it can't be confirmed, i may or may not have made some peculiar hand motions for the hearing impared) and that i should be congratulated as well for all my hard work. And I also paused for laughter and looked out into the crowd of female relatives with my arms out, palms face up and a look on my face as if to say "eh? EH? EHHHH? get it? EH? Am I right ladies? EH?"


NOTHING...NOTHING at all. I thought someone was going to cry. Or stab me with a fork.

Now I'm confident that had a few of my close male companions been in the room, alluding to the specific act of intercourse that lead to my wife's pregnancy and a modest hand-gesture-sign-languagey re-creation of said act would have drawn a few solid yucks from my bros...of course, I forgot that there wasn't a single bro in attendance (Jonathan had left earlier in the day but i know he would be laughing along with me) and therefore forgot who my audience was...oops.

Of course, I am also the person who suggested Kimmie give out certain electronic "toys" as a kind-of gag gift and then pretend that she forgot which party favors are given out at which showers so I may not be the best at doing comedy in front of an all-women audience...

One very plain and simple explanation that has not been touched upon here may very well be BEST explanation as to why no laughter for my just wasn't funny. But i refuse to buy into this theory on principle alone.

So lesson learned...if i ever find the guts to actually try stand-up, a women's baby shower may not be the best place to start

Am I right ladies? eh? EH? Am I right?

Friday, October 2, 2009

Blog Cherry....POPPED

Well, I guess technically it's not really my first. I did have a 2-year-long, highly successful myspace blog. And when i say "highly successful" i mean "not successful in any way, shape or form." But some of the friends enjoyed my 'musings' on a regular basis, and verbally assaulted me on an even more regular basis when i did not blog regularly... so naturally i stopped blogging entirely.

I have been tweeting for quite some time now - with my earliest tweets dating back as far as March of 2009. Rapidly approaching my 500th tweet, each one better than the last; no one any less or any more important than the other. is the place to be if you want to know EXACTLY how i am feeling and EXACTLY what i am doing at all times...well, at least during the hours of 7-4pm on weekdays since that's when i'm working, and thus have lots of time to spend on things like blogging and tweeting.

More than likely this blog will chronicle my daughter (Camryn Rose Hopkins) from her birth (which is going to be October 20th because there's no football on that day and i know she wouldn't want to inconvenience daddy) and all important moments henceforth. I think i just used the word henceforth for the first time. Fantastic.

In all honesty, I have no idea where this blog will go or what it will do. That's the great thing about happens...and life, much like this blog, will take me to all kinds of fascinating places, in all kinds of directions with no end in sight (with the exception of death, which i guess is basically when this blog, and my life will in fact...end). And this paragraph is the most intentionally pretentious thing i've ever, I LOVE blogging!

Also, i'm having a hard time adjusting to writing more than 140 characters at a time. Kind-of a stretch for the ole' noodle. But I will do my best.

So follow me on twitter, friend me on facebook, read me on blogger, hug me in public, kiss me in the rain and bathe me in the ocean...yes friends, this will be fun. i'm positively giddy with delight at the endless possibilities.