So Kimmie had her baby shower yesterday. It was really nice to see all the female family members (and Dubba J and my Dad, who thankfully came to relieve me of being the only male there - even the bartender was a woman) and get to have a day for Kimmie and for Cammie. She/we got tons of great things, lots of diapers, toys, clothes and all kinds of good stuff. So good food, good drink, good friends, good family, and a good time...BUT...
...i never realized how much i need a male audience to appreciate my humor. Now granted, Kimmie, my Mom, Karen, my Grandma, Jess, aunts and other various female family members and friends get my jokes, but really...if i don't have at least 3 - AT LEAST 3 other dudes in the room, it's a mess of epic proportions.
Case in point: after opening all the presents (oh, and have i mentioned that sitting with my wife, mother and mother-in-law while opening baby gifts is awful? not being in a room with family, friends and loved ones, and opening wonderful gifts that are so generous and carefully thought out...no, that part is wonderful...its the actual act of sitting in front of a room full of women, opening presents, 90% of which are pink is the part that makes me tense up in a way i never knew my muscles could do)
...ok, anyway, i digress...so after opening the presents we thanked everyone for coming and for the wonderful gifts. In response, the female friends and family congratulated kimmie on being pregnant or getting pregnant or something to that effect...ok, so let me clarify everything and preface everything and say everything i need to say so i don't get in trouble for what i am about to say - my wife is incredible; women are incredible. Anyone who can carry a living human being inside them for 9 months and maintain their beauty...ne, become even more beautiful, and even more glowing while also putting together baby furniture, cleaning, cooking, working (actually, not just working, but getting a promotion on top of all that), and still being able to spend quality time with family, friends and husband is an amazing human being who is capable of anything. I will never be pregnant, can never get pregnant, and have no desire to ever BE pregnant, which gives me even more reason to be in awe of this wonderful woman that i am married to (who i am fully convinced has the ability to do anything). It's truly awe inspiring to see Kimmie do so many of the things she does while carrying our first child...amazing. To not have a room full of closest family and friends congratulating her would be a crime, and she deserves all the congratulations in the world.
That being said...
I felt like i played at least a SMALL role in the pregnancy thing -- I was there, I contributed, and the plain and simple fact is that there would be no pregnancy with out ole' Johnny boy. Well, there could be A pregnancy, just not THIS pregnancy. Anyways, while the women folk were congratulating kimmie on being pregnant, and everything else, I decided to jump in and mention that i did help out myself (and while it can't be confirmed, i may or may not have made some peculiar hand motions for the hearing impared) and that i should be congratulated as well for all my hard work. And I also paused for laughter and looked out into the crowd of female relatives with my arms out, palms face up and a look on my face as if to say "eh? EH? EHHHH? get it? EH? Am I right ladies? EH?"
*CRICKET*
*CRICKET*
*CRICKET*
NOTHING...NOTHING at all. I thought someone was going to cry. Or stab me with a fork.
Now I'm confident that had a few of my close male companions been in the room, alluding to the specific act of intercourse that lead to my wife's pregnancy and a modest hand-gesture-sign-languagey re-creation of said act would have drawn a few solid yucks from my bros...of course, I forgot that there wasn't a single bro in attendance (Jonathan had left earlier in the day but i know he would be laughing along with me) and therefore forgot who my audience was...oops.
Of course, I am also the person who suggested Kimmie give out certain electronic "toys" as a kind-of gag gift and then pretend that she forgot which party favors are given out at which showers so I may not be the best at doing comedy in front of an all-women audience...
One very plain and simple explanation that has not been touched upon here may very well be BEST explanation as to why no laughter for my joke...it just wasn't funny. But i refuse to buy into this theory on principle alone.
So lesson learned...if i ever find the guts to actually try stand-up, a women's baby shower may not be the best place to start
Am I right ladies? eh? EH? Am I right?
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